The secret Sánchez-Aragonés pact

President Sánchez salutes the Catalan flag on his arrival at the Palace of the Generalitat. Moments earlier, Sánchez and Aragonés had shared out Europe

It has been a highly orchestrated staging. A kind of pantomime to conceal what appear to be the real reasons behind a meeting held in Barcelona on 15 September and which, when they are revealed and their true extent is known, will provoke a worldwide political earthquake.

The two main European leaders of the moment, Pedro Sánchez Pérez-Castejón for Spain and Pere Aragonés García, representing the Autonomous Community of Catalonia, have expressed cautious phrases, showed serious faces and the occasional forced smile as they appeared before photographers and television cameras.

Sánchez stressed that "the political positions are very far apart" and that he will work "without haste and without pause" to open a path of understanding and reunion. The other side's vision does not coincide. Aragonés' main objectives are for the Spanish government to grant amnesty to those convicted of attempting a coup d'état and to give the green light to a referendum that would lead to Catalan independence. But both have managed to keep the substance of their dialogue in Barcelona under wraps.

Líderes de la política mundial, Pedro Sánchez y Pere Aragonés han levantado una cortina de humo para ocultar sus pretensiones: repartirse Europa
PHOTO/Pool Moncloa - Leaders of world politics, Pedro Sánchez and Pere Aragonés have raised a smokescreen to hide their pretensions: to divide up Europe.

In reality, the two leading figures in world politics have put up a smokescreen to avoid revealing their great ambitions, which they had ratified a few hours before their official meeting. The faint smiles of Sánchez and Aragonés on Wednesday afternoon are due to the fact that in a place that is kept secret - apparently, in a gondola of the Ferris wheel of the Tibidabo Amusement Park - the two of them had just signed the document that is the ultimate reason for their round table dialogue: to divide up Europe. 

The search for concord on the one hand and achieving independence on the other are nothing more than a ruse agreed between the two politicians to avoid saying that their aspiration is to make themselves masters of the outdated nations of the Old Continent. From Portugal to Estonia and Ukraine, they want millions of square kilometres to come under a coalition formed by Madrid and Barcelona. They want Germans, Dutch, French, French, Belgians and the rest of Europe's citizens to share the high levels of prosperity and high employment rates that we enjoy in Spain.

Ataviados con uniforme de gala, con su elegante chistera y sus cómodas alpargatas, Pere Aragonés tiene a los Mossos d’Esquadra para intentar intimidar a los mandatarios de las naciones puestas sobre el control de Cataluña
PHOTO/Pool Moncloa - Dressed in full dress uniform, with his elegant top hat and comfortable espadrilles, Pere Aragonés has the Mossos d'esquadra to try to intimidate the leaders of the nations placed in control of Catalonia.
A pact on the Ferris wheel at Tibidabo Amusement Park

In their telephone conversations prior to the mysterious signing of the bilateral pact, both Sánchez and Aragonés - regarded on the New York, London and Hong Kong stock exchanges as the mainstays of the European Union economy - have come to the conclusion that the pro-European movement is outdated. Instead, they have discovered the great advantages for Europe of a strategic alliance between Spain and Catalonia, the latter under the new legal form of giving life to the first Republican Principality. 

The two 21st century leaders have tried to keep the clauses of their agreement to conquer Europe out of the hands of US President Joe Biden, China's Xi Jinping and Russia's Vladimir Putin. But they have not succeeded. Despite the protective measures taken by the security teams of the Moncloa and the government delegate in Catalonia, the incombustible Teresa Cunillera - a member of Congress from 1982 to 2015 for the Socialist Party of Catalonia (PSC) - the Tibidabo pact has been captured by spy satellites and by a powerful camera on board a mini drone in the shape of a falcon. 

But how has the division of Europe been forged? According to the prestigious Global Strategic International & Confidential Journal published in Barbados, the trigger was Chancellor Angela Merkel's announced withdrawal from active politics after the German elections scheduled for 26 September. As a result of these events, Sánchez's strong influence over whoever the new chancellor - or chancellor may be - will mean that the government to be formed in Berlin at the end of the year will be subordinate to the one in Madrid. The immediate consequence will be that the rest of the European nations will fall, like a tower of cards.

Cuando Sánchez Pérez-Castejón y Pere Aragonés han abandonado la reunión, sus equipos han comenzado a intentar ponerse de acuerdo sobre el futuro de Bélgica, los Principados de Mónaco y Liechtenstein, el Gran Ducado de Luxemburgo y la República de San Marino
PHOTO/Pool - When Sánchez Pérez-Castejón and Pere Aragonés left the meeting, their teams began to try to agree on the future of Belgium, the Principality of Monaco and Liechtenstein, the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg and the Republic of San Marino.

With Emmanuel Macron's popularity at an all-time low, the citizens of France will be won over by Catalonia. The Gallic language has similarities with Catalan and, as is well known, most French people yearn for three decisions: to receive linguistic immersion in Catalan, to stop being governed from the Elysée Palace in Paris and to be under the dictates of the honourable tenant of the Palace of the Generalitat, in the Plaza de San Jaime in Barcelona.

The strategic plans are well laid out. One by one, all the political leaders of the European nations will be summoned to Madrid or Barcelona, where they will foreseeably be intimidated with a kind of ultimatum. But in good manners, always with a smile on the face of Sánchez Pérez-Castejón and Aragonés García. Any attempt at resistance will be futile. Aragonés has the Mossos d'esquadra dressed up for the occasion in their dress uniform, with their elegant chistera and their comfortable espadrilles.

En la esfera de los países bajo la presidencia honorifica de Pere Aragonés (en la imagen), Francia podría rebautizarse como Francat y Ucrania como Ucrancat. Pero la última palabra la tiene Puigdemont, que anhela convertirse en el primer príncipe republicano de Cataluña
PHOTO/Jordi Cotrina - In the sphere of countries under the honorary presidency of Pere Aragonés (in the picture), France could be renamed Francat and Ukraine could be renamed Ukraincat. But the last word goes to Puigdemont, who longs to become Catalonia's first republican prince.
The northern zone for Spain, the southern zone for Catalonia

How will the distribution be carried out? They have it all written down, in Catalan and English, with a summary in Spanish. The northern part of Europe will be under the influence of Sánchez's Spain and the southern part, including the Mediterranean, under the influence of Aragonés' Catalonia. The presidents or prime ministers of France, Italy, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Serbia, Romania, Moldova, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Montenegro, Macedonia, Albania and Greece will be invited on different dates to the Palace of the Generalitat in Barcelona and will be urged to accept the fait accompli: the European leadership of Spain and Catalonia.

The rest of the countries will urgently come to the Palacio de la Moncloa. The leaders of Denmark, the Czech Republic, Slovenia, Slovakia, Hungary, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Belarus and Ukraine will do so. Pedro Sánchez, tall, slender, good-looking and smarter than Aragonés, will win the subordination of his guests with his presence alone. What to do with the United Kingdom? And with the Vatican? The former will be sidelined as impossible. The latter, too, but in exchange for the papal blessing.

Un dron con forma de halcón ha logrado captar la firma del secreto reparto de Europa celebrado en una góndola de la noria del Parque de Atracciones del Tibidabo
PHOTO/La otra ruta - A drone in the shape of a falcon has managed to capture the signing of the secret division of Europe held in a gondola on the Ferris wheel at the Tibidabo Amusement Park.

So what are the reasons for the meetings between the mini-team of ministers of the Sánchez Pérez-Castejón government and Aragonés García's advisers? Very simple. To try to resolve points of disagreement. For example, in the territorial framework there is still no unanimity regarding the Kingdom of Belgium, the Principality of Monaco and Liechtenstein, the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg and the Republic of San Marino. They are small but of great economic and financial importance, and Catalonia wants them to depend on Barcelona. The Minister of Territorial Policy, Isabel Rodríguez, is not in favour.

Nor is there agreement in the automobile industry sector. There is a serious tug-of-war between the Minister of Employment, Yolanda Díaz, and the Catalan ministers. The peaceful pro-independence businessmen Jordi Cuixart and Jordi Sánchez - of Omnium Cultural and the National Assembly of Catalonia, respectively - are determined to set up the global manufacturer Cat Car International Motors Company. They want to co-manage a mega-company that would integrate by decree the main German brands - Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Volkswagen, Porsche -, the French ones - Renault, Peugeot, Citroën - and even the Italian ones, Fiat, Alfa Romero, Ferrari, Maserati, Lamborghini. But Sánchez is not in favour. He travels in an armoured Audi and doubts the result.

Jordi Sánchez (en la imagen) y Jordi Cuixart parecen estar obstinados en integrar por decreto las principales marcas de automóviles alemanas, francesas e italianas y constituir el fabricante global Cat Car International Motors Company
PHOTO/Junts - Jordi Sánchez (in the picture) and Jordi Cuixart seem to be determined to integrate by decree the main German, French and Italian car brands and set up the global manufacturer Cat Car International Motors Company.

The Tibidabo pact includes a reference that the names of some European countries may be slightly modified. Nations under Madrid's control would add the ending "chez". Thus, Germany would become "Alemanchez" and Poland would become "Polonchez". And in the sphere of countries dependent on Catalonia, France could be renamed Francat and Ukraine Ukrancat. But the last word goes to Puigdemont, who longs to become Catalonia's first republican prince, by the Grace of God.